Seven People Who Have Changed My Life

This is a long blog entry and I don't really expect anyone to read this. I'm mainly writing this for my own memory. But if you do take the time to read it you get to find out a little bit about some amazing people who changed my life forever.

Have you ever been totally in love with seven different people? I have...I am. My seven students. They are just the most amazing people you could ever meet. When I started working at Sunrise Ridge Intermediate School I could have never guessed that these kids I'm supposed to be teaching would actually teach me. I'm not really sure how much I'm allowed to share with you so I'm going to keep things vague, so stay with me.

One of my students is LDS and sometimes she would say things to me that were so simple but so profound. Around Easter time she asked me what my favorite holiday was. I responded and asked her which her's was. She told me it was Easter, assuming she said Easter because it was days away I asked why. Her response was something like this, "because of Easter I get to be with my family forever." I was shocked by this simple statement. Moments like this happened quite often. This student was always saying these tiny comments that just put me in my place.

Another of my students ate Ranch dressing with absolutely everything. Actually, I had two students who did that. They just ate it plain. It was gross. Lunch was not my favorite time. I love my kids, but watching them eat was repulsive. They would dip their burritos, sloppy joe's, french fries, green beans, and anything else on their plate in Ranch.

A student that I have mentioned before on Facebook use to sing to me. The first time I heard her sing was to The Climb by Miley Cyrus. It was amazing how even though she couldn't form sentences or say more than yes and yo (her version of no) she was able to sing this song, following pitch and everything. Walking to choir she would always ask me to sing a song from Sesame Street that Bruno Mars sang while on the show. Here's the link, I definitely reccommend taking a look and really listening to the lyrics. I learned to love this song.

The last student I want to tell you about is probably just the cutest thing you could ever meet. She loves to be apart of normal education classes. She loves Gangnam Style, Finding Nemo, Monster's Inc and pretzels. Sometimes she called me mom and although I was so happy that she thought so highly of me, I of course, explained to her that I am not her mom. She loves to laugh and smile. We would go on walks before Language Arts and she would often hide in the bushes. I would pretend I couldn't see her and she would laugh and laugh. She loved to laugh at me when I did something dumb.


On my last day all seven of my students came to 5th period and sang You'll be in my Heart by Phil Collins. I wish I had videotaped that, but I was crying so hard I couldn't even think straight. Then they gave me these adorable flowers made from their handprints and these precious self-portraits and some handmade cards that made my heart ache.

I have never been faced with a more difficult task than saying goodbye to these sweet spirits. While walking my Finding Nemo loving student out to the bus she grabbed my hand to make me stop. I turned to look at her and she signed "I love you" to me. That was like a dagger to my heart. It was all I could do to get her on the bus without just completely breaking down.


I would like to take note that although I did cry periodically throughout the day, I did not truly breakdown until I reached my car.

I am so grateful for this opportunity that has completely changed my life. I miss those kids more than anything and wish I was back there with them rather than being up here at school. Is it sad that I would rather be with them than up here at school? I have more fun with those kids than people my own age. Sad, huh?

Flesh Wounds

In my scripture study tonight I was reading in 2nd Nephi chapter 6. (For those of you reading this who aren't LDS 2nd Nephi is a book of scripture in the Book of Mormon. For more information about that click here.) The eleventh verse says this, "Wherefore, after they are driven to and fro, for thus saith the angel many shall be afflicted in the flesh, and shall not be suffered to perish, because of the prayers of the faithful; they shall be scattered, and smitten, and hated; nevertheless, the Lord will be merciful unto them..."

This verse jumped off the page at me. It was as if my eyes were clouded over until I came to this verse and then suddenly I could see. It struck me that I have been driven to and fro in my life. I have been on a wild and emotional ride over the past two years and I have been afflicted with many flesh wounds, but I have not perished. I have been hurt deeply but nothing that has caused me so much pain that I perished. The pain and confusion that I have felt has helped me to become who I am today. In hindsight the things I've gone through made me better and stronger in my faith in the Lord. My love for Him and my testimony of Him has grown deeper because of these flesh wounds.

I have not perished, and I will not perish because in times of trouble I reach out to Him in earnest prayer. I have felt despair and when I reach out to the Lord I feel His mercy.

I am grateful that I will never be afflicted to the point of perishing because of the Atonement of Christ. I will only ever have a flesh wound.

Doomsday Resolutions

I have decided to jump aboard this whole doomsday thing, but I'm putting a spin on it. As I sit anxiously awaiting the end of the world I reflect upon what it has become. In the past six months alone we have had two terrible shootings. There are many wars being fought, some of which we aren't even aware of. There are wars between countries, religions, families and even ourselves. Everywhere you look there is poverty and destruction. If this is what our world has become then let it end tomorrow!
December 21, 2012 is the end and I'm going to create my own new world. Instead of New Years Resolutions I am making New World Resolutions. I hope that you will make these resolutions with me.
1). Serve often.
2). Love more.
3). Be positive.
4). Smile.
These are the four big changes I'm making in my life to create a new world, a better world. We shouldn't let our lives be lived in fear of what could happen next, we should be full of joy and love. Help me create that type of world. Help me make a world that is safe. Help me create a place where people are loved and given service. A world where children are safe and where families can live in peace. Help me create a world that we can trust.

Thoughts On Lincoln

I saw the movie Lincoln last night and I will admit I was not the biggest fan of the movie. I would have enjoyed it more watching it in a classroom setting where my professor could pause the movie and we could discuss the events portrayed in the film. That being said, I did learn three things from the movie. 

1). Insults are much more insulting when you aren't using swear words but words that are actual intelligible. 

My favorite part of the entire movie were the insults they tossed back and forth while debating the Amendment. Thaddeus Stevens is the funniest part of the movie. I wish I could remember the insults word for word, but I can't. I would see the movie again just for the insults. It makes you realize how silly people sound when their insults consist of the F bomb, the B word, etc. You really sound so much smarter when you use words with real meanings. It was like Shakespearean insults. Loved it. 

2). Abraham Lincoln is long winded and tells strange stories. 

President Lincoln would randomly start telling stories that were supposed to mean something to the people he was talking to. The first story he told was about a parrot who's owner killed him. That one wasn't very funny. However, there were other stories that were pretty funny. You should see it for the stories. After one of the stories Lincoln said, "I could write shorter sermons but once I get going I'm to lazy to stop." 

3). Our country has come so far. 

While watching Lincoln and witnessing how difficult it was for the 13th Amendment to be passed I realized that our country has really come so very far. In just 147 years we have changed so much that we now have a black president starting his second term! Do you think that the brave men who passed this amendment knew how far we would come in such a short amount of time? I may not have wanted Obama to win his second election but I do appreciate the steps it has taken for our nation to proudly have a black man as our president. Abraham Lincoln would be elated to see that what he worked so hard for has made a huge difference. We are an example to many other nations. We should be delighted to be citizens of this great nation.

Grateful for Friends

I have so many things going through my mind right now, but I can't post many of those thoughts because they would seem offensive. In my head they are not meant that way, but if you aren't me you don't know that.

It's funny how when you are surrounded by friends you take that friendship for granted. You don't realize how big a part they play in your day to day life.
When I lived in Ohio and needed my best friend she was only a five minute drive away. I never realized how incredibly blessed I was to have her so close. In college my best friend was a shout away...if she wasn't right next to me.
Now I am in St. George, Utah where I know...my family. Only my family. There are many things that I dislike about St. George, not even counting the fact that it's in Utah (yuck!). The thing that I have the hardest time with though is that I am alone.
Family is a blessing, but sometimes they aren't always enough. You need friends....I need friends.
So go to the Single's Ward! I know...you're all saying that. I can't. I went before and...it was dreadful. I sat there for three hours and not one person said a word to me. (That's the thing with the church out in Utah...they aren't as welcoming as out in "the mission field".) So go talk to them! Yeah, that was your next thought right? But let me ask you something...DO YOU KNOW ME? I am painfully shy around people I don't know...especially a large group of people my age. I don't do well with putting myself out there. I never have. When people find out that I have moved a lot they assume that I am naturally outgoing because I had to make friends somehow...you know what assuming does, right?
With all of my best friends I have never made the move to be friends, it has always been them. I don't know how to make friends. It sounds so silly, but it's true.
Luckily for me two of my very best friends are coming to visit next weekend and we are gonna go to the Single's Ward together. Maybe with those two hotties by my side someone will talk to me...or I'll feel comfortable enough to talk to them.


I'm sorry to anyone who read this. I'm not trying to sound like a whiny brat, I needed to vent and am clueless as to where my journal is. If you know anyone in St. George that is in need of another friend send them my way! If you don't, prayers of strength are just as good. Thanks :)

Heavenly Father Gained A Friend

     On Tuesday I called my Dad to ask him a simple question. To be honest I can't even remember what I wanted to talk to him about. He told me he wanted to talk to me about two things. The first thing he told me was a silly story about my little sister's dog and how he ran away. Then he got really serious and told me we needed to talk to about my dog, Nome. I tried to shut him down, which is my usual response when my parents bring him up because they are always just telling me how old he is. My dad wouldn't let it go like normal though. He told me that Nomie had not eaten or drank in two days. He said that his end is near. I started crying and didn't really stop the rest of the day. My dad asked me if I wanted them to wait until I got home, in three days, before they put him down, but they weren't really even sure he would make it that long. I asked them to try.
     Wednesday I woke up and tried to not think. It didn't work. I started crying again so I called my best friend Abby. I told her about how I felt like I was being so selfish trying to keep my dog alive for me, but at the same time I wasn't sure I could even handle being there. She gave me the idea to skype with him and say my goodbyes so that he could go and not be in anymore pain. I called my Dad and told him that I needed to skype with Nome and after I did that he could help Nome pass away. I then skyped with Nomie Boy for almost 2 hours. I told him how much I love him and that if he was ready then I wanted him to go. I told him lots of funny stories from our 19 years together. I asked him to find my future children and keep them company and to find Grandma McKean and play tug of war with her again. At one point in my one-sided conversation, Nome looked right at me through the camera and wagged his tail. That doesn't seem like a huge thing, but to me it was so much comfort. Nomie hasn't wagged his tail for a really long time. I knew that this was his way of telling me that he loves me and not to be sad anymore.
     The rest of the day I didn't want to answer my phone every time I saw my parents name come up on my caller i.d.
     Today, Thursday, I woke up to a post on my FB wall from my little sister. She told me that she saw Nome outside and he had the goofiest smile on his face. He smiles just like the dog Rigby from the book. I went about my day cleaning for about 7 hours (we had to white glove our apartment for checkout). I went out for cupcakes with one of my best friends for her birthday. When I got home my friend Julia came over and we chatted for a little bit because I'm headed home tomorrow and won't see her for a really long time. When she left I was getting ready to go to another friends apartment when my mom called. She told me that while she was at play practice Nomie went to sleep and didn't wake up. He went so peacefully. Tomorrow he will be cremated.
     Nome has been my best friend since I was one year old. He has been a huge part of my life for 19 years. I have known and loved him longer than any of my siblings. He helped me through huge changes in my life. He was afraid of fireworks. When I was little and would cry he would sit with me and howl. He hates broccoli. He once risked his life to protect us from two rottweilers. He would sit under, beside or in the car while we were packing it for a trip, terrified that we were going to leave him. He loves tug of war. He would bark and run all over the house when someone came to visit.
It's hard to believe that after so many years my puppy has gone to live with Heavenly Father. I'm not sure that a day will go by when I don't think of him. I love him so much. If you don't mind, and you're the praying sort, I could really use some prayers of comfort and strength.

Still Not Married!!! :)

      I did it! I got to the end of my Sophomore year at BYU-Ido and am still a happily single college student! Ha! I have officially lasted longer than half the campus I swear. lol Well, I guess there are five days left of the semester, but I'm gonna go ahead and say it's a safe bet that I won't be engaged in the next five days. 

     This semester has been weird. It started out exactly like I wanted it to and ended in a way I didn't see coming. I don't want to put specifics on here just in case certain people read, but just know that I didn't expect the semester to be ending the way it has. Here's the thing about the way it's ending, I am so glad that it has gone the way it has and not the way I wanted it to. 

     This semester I only had one roommate, which was super strange. We knew each other from last semester, her name is Jallyn. I guess the management called her on the last day of Winter Semester and told her they opened up a two-person apartment and asked her if we wanted it. She said yes and then came to the apartment I had been living in and told me. So it's just been the two of us all semester. That definitely has it's ups and downs and I don't think I'd do it again. I miss having lots of roommates. 

     About a month into the semester I went on two dates with a guy from church and after the second date he thought we were boyfriend/girlfriend and came over everyday, see how fast things move here? Obviously I had to break that one off. He was really nice about it though and we are friendly when we see each other around. 

     My best friend in the whole wide world and her mom came to visit me! Eryn drove out here from WA to spend a few days with me and that was fabulous to see her. It's crazy how we are still so close after 12 years of friendship, more than half of which we have been states away from each other. 

The week after she came my Mom and Dad came to visit me for the weekend. I took them around campus and to the Cocoa Bean and they took my roommate and I out for Big Jud's and to the movies to see Hunger Games. 

     Now it's the last week of the semester and I am so ready to get out of here. I've been trying to make myself sad about leaving, but it's not working. I keep telling myself to remember that this is the last time I will see almost everyone I've met up here because I'm not coming back for 2 years, but that just makes me excited. I am ready to leave and happy that when I come back I will be able to start over.

     This has been a really long post, sorry! I'll add some pictures at the bottom for comic relief! My semester in photographs! 

Top Left: Me and Eryn at the Cocoa Bean. 

Top Right: My Mom and Dad after walking around campus

Middle: Bill Cosby! I saw him perform!

Bottom Left: I attempted to work out everyday...that didn't last long. 

Bottom Right: My birthday! It was the first day of the semester. 

Big News!

Well, I have some news to share. I have decided to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I will leave soon after my 21st birthday, in April.
Most of you probably know that boys in our church go on their missions at 19 and serve for two years. We women have to wait until we are 21 and we only go for 18 months, which is fine by me! I know I will really miss my family during this time. So, how did I come to this decision?
Since I was 17 I have struggled with the question of serving a mission. I have never had a desire to do so, nor did I feel like I was going to. In my church we receive these things called a patriarchal blessing. (To learn what that is click here.) In my blessing it says that I will serve a mission for the church "in some fashion." I never thought that that fashion was an actual mission. This past month I have thought more and more about a mission and if I should go. Then, on Wednesday night I really started to ponder it. In fact, I was thinking about it so much that I didn't sleep that night. I was really struggling with what to do. I finally came up with a plan and it felt good. On Thursday after class, I went to the temple with my roommate Jallyn. While we were in the temple I prayed some more about a mission and if the plan I had come up with is the right now for me. I felt peaceful. When I decided that I was going to serve a mission I finally felt relieved from this burden that had been holding me down for so long. I felt joy because I knew that I had a small piece of my life's plan figured out. So, this is the plan. I'm going to finish out this semester with work and school, then I'm going to go live with my parents and work my behind off. I will defer school for the Winter Semester and then, in April, I will leave for 18 months to serve wherever the Lord sends me, even if it is Temple Square. :)

Where I Am Now

2008

I recently had an unexpected conversation with someone from my past. We hadn't talked in almost a year. We discussed our lives and what we are up to. He is getting ready to leave for his mission to Thailand in a few weeks. I am so excited for him and this opportunity he is taking.
It's funny thinking about the 15 year old me and where I thought I would be at this point in my life. He was supposed to have been gone for a year by now, with me faithfully waiting to one day become his wife. Weird.
That was five years ago though. I've changed a lot since then.
I'm not the same bright eyed girl I was with an innocent outlook on life. I realize now that life usually doesn't work out the way we want it to. During our conversation he said that I sounded much more grown up. Although I did hit the big 2-0 I don't think he meant my voice sounded older. He's right, I have grown up, mostly because of him. Losing him forced me to grow up, to become closer to my Lord and to figure out what it is that I want to do with my life. I couldn't use the plan I had as a little girl anymore, that plan included him.

2012

In the course of our conversation we discovered that I am now working where he worked last semester. I was supposed to start this job last semester but my heart was in turmoil when I thought of starting then. I did not understand why I felt such grief when I thought of taking the job back then, but now I understand. The Lord was protecting me as He has done so many times before. As much as I have grown and matured I couldn't see him everyday for four hours, it would kill me.  The Lord knew and He saved me from that pain. Oh, the tender mercies.

That time in my life is over. I'm glad it happened, even the terrible heartbreak. I learned a lot about myself and about my Savior. I wouldn't go back and change it because that would change who I am right now and I like the person that I have become. I like the girl I am right now much more than I like the girl I was 5, even 2 years ago. Those experiences, dating him and then our break up, taught me more than any other experience in my long twenty years. I'm different. I'm happy. 

Woah! Did You See That? It Just Flew By!

Hard to believe that in one week I will officially be halfway through my Sophomore year of college! The past few days I have been thinking about how different this semester has been compared to my first semester of college last year. The biggest difference is that this year I haven't been homesick. Remember how last year I cried and cried, begging my parents to let me go home? Yeah...that didn't happen this time. That's not the only difference though.  

I have truly changed as a daughter of God. It sounds cheesy, I know, but it's true. I have taken steps in my life this year to help me be happier. One of the best things I've done this year is to eliminate people in my life who bring my heartache and disappointment. That was a hard decision to let some of these people go, but in the end it has really helped me to be happier. I don't dwell on the hurt they cause, but instead focus on the good times we had and thank Heavenly Father for placing them in my life when I most needed them.

This semester has also taught me a lot about how strong I am. Definitely not physically, I'll probably always be a weakling, but spiritually. I firmly believe that how you face your trials shows what type of person you are. In the trials I have faced this semester I have turned to God for help. He has calmed my troubled heart. During my times of turmoil and unrest, He has helped me to see the light at the end.

Left to Right: Rebekah, Jallyn, Kyla, Julia

Heavenly Father has sent me the most help through my best friend Jallyn and my kind roommates, Julia and Kyla. These three girls have brought me more comfort and love then they are aware of. The Lord must have given them an ocean full of patience because they have been so kind and willing to help me to grow. For that I am forever grateful. I have never lived with such amazing women as Kyla and Julia. I love them so much and hope that I have had an ounce of effect on their life because they have truly impacted mine.




Jallyn on the other hand is a league all her own. Heavenly Father sure knew what he was doing when He placed her in my life!

I'm not sure how I would have gotten through this semester without her! She has been such a rock in my life! Whenever I feel like I can't do something, she is right there pulling and pushing, reminding me that with God, all things are possible. I am forever indebted to her.

Heavenly Father has truly blessed me this semester. I have made some amazing friends and am looking forward to all the adventures next semester will bring! Well...excited and nervous at the same time. But I know that the Lord will be watching over me and will help me to make the best decisions.

And to all you nay sayers out there! I would just like to point out that I am proving you all wrong! Halfway done with my Sophomore year and still not married! That's right! I'm a rebellious little Mormon Child :)

All Politics Aside.

Today I had the amazing experience of attending a political rally for Mitt Romney. There was so much excitement in the crowd. People were chanting, some were singing, and there were countless acts of strangers becoming friends. There was a spirit of gratitude and cheerfulness within the crowd.
Romney talked about some great things. He mentioned the economy and employment. Of course everyone went wild.
All politics aside.
After the rally I was talking with the people I rode with and they brought up an interesting point. This election is probably the most important one of my life. I will be (hopefully) graduating college under this next president. I will be relying on him to open the job market back up. This next president is going to make or break my future.
Then, on the way home we saw a man on the side of the road with a sign that read,
"Embarrassed= Yes! Single father. Trying to save home. Anything will help. Looking for work. Thx."
Our next president, whomever that may be, has a big job in front of them. It doesn't matter what you believe, Liberal, Conservative, Left-Wing, or Right, the economy must be fixed. Not only for our future, but for those who are working right now.
I know how scary it is for the provider of my family to be out of a job. I could imagine the anguish that man with the sign must be feeling.
Our next president needs to be a man full of integrity. One that is going to work for me and for the man loosing his home. There's more than one future riding on this next election.

I don't go out with a bang, that's how I'm coming in

The year 2011 is officially over. My Sophomore year of college has begun. Although there's already been some slight drama, I'm determined to not let it dictate the rest of my time here.
I am in the University Choir this year. It's not an audition choir, but I'm just doing it for fun and to learn more techniques. I've never had voice lessons, so I'm excited for this opportunity.
Last year I was so wrapped up in what everyone thought of me and getting  over Jeff, that I couldn't focus on the things that were really important. I will not make the same mistakes.
I am going to find ways to motivate myself into doing homework.
I am going to focus on becoming the person I have always wanted to become.
I am going to continue strengthening my relationships with my dear friends, but also create new and lasting friendships.
I am not going to search for a boy. Although having a boyfriend is always nice, I don't care if I have one. I'm not searching to get married like so many of the girls out here. I am at school for an education, not a husband.
I am going to take everything I can out of the college experience and never take it for granted.
This year will be one to remember. That I'll make sure of.

It's All Just Bullying

My mom and I saw the movie, The Help tonight. You know, we learn about Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr in school, but nothing really hits you. Nothing makes you understand just how awful it was for the African Americans. I've seen the old black and white newsreels of the police beating back protesters, or "washing" them away with the fire hose. To be honest, those didn't make an impact. Yes, it was awful to see people being treated that way, but they were just people without a name.
This was different. This wasn't just a lesson, it was a story with a face and a name. Their stories hit home.
I cannot adequately explain how I felt. I just sat there, holding back tears, thinking. I asked myself so many questions.
"If I had been raised back then, would I have treated African Americans like this?"
"How can people, made by the same Creator, treat each other this way?"
"Why did we, God fearing people, allow this to happen?"
But mostly I just repeated this next question over and over, "What would I have done?"
What would I have done?
These tears that I'm feeling now, would I still be sympathetic if I had lived then? Would I have been like Skeeter...or Ms. Hilly?
I want to believe I would be like Skeeter, sympathetic and yearning to help. There's no way to really know...
I wish that I could go back in time, tried to help out in someway. I...am speechless. Honestly, I have no words to describe how this makes me feel.
But it does make me think.
 Today I read an article about a boy who killed his gay classmate in 2008. He was just sentenced to 21 years in prison.
Today I heard on the radio about a man on death sentence for shooting and killing multiple Muslims after 9/11.
Today I realized that hatred of blacks was just like these two events, only much larger and they lasted much longer.
All of these events in history were all caused by bullying. That's all they are. Each is on a different part of the same spectrum.
I may not be able to go back in time and fix the mistakes of our ancestors, but I can be apart of the change now. I will not stand for bullying or ignorance. I can teach my children to be accepting of everyone, color, sexual orientation, religion, etc. I can stand up for those I see or hear being treated unkindly.
I don't want my children and grandchildren to look back on my time here on earth and wonder if I ever did anything to try and stop the violence.
I want them to know.

This Place I Once Called...Home?

I'm feeling a little like a nomad lately. I don't live in Idaho, I don't live in Zion and I don't really live with my family...so where do I live? Honestly, doesn't matter much as long as I have a roof over my head! The question that really gets me is, "So, where are you from?" Ha! Like I know! My best answer, "America." What else would I say? However, I have just moved from Zion National Park back in with my parents, for now. So, here are some pictures of the place I called home for a couple months.

Wild turkey that live in the mountains.

My favorite road sign. I always thought it was so clever. 

Take A Moment

I just wanted to take a moment to be grateful.
I feel like lately all I do is focus on the negative things in my life. It's a taxing job! So here's to the little things I'm grateful for.
Food.
Shelter.
A Job.
Showers.
Clean Water.
Family.
Friends.
Scriptures.
Prayer.
Coloring Books.
Faith.
Being away from things really makes you grateful for them. Being away from friends who have the same standards as I do makes me realize just how precious those friendships are.
At this moment though, I think the thing I am most grateful for are blankets! If I didn't know better I would think my apartment is in the Arctic Circle!

You Read the Wrong Book

Work was pretty slow this morning, for the front desk and the kitchen. There is a man who works here at the Resort with me whom I will refer to as Z. He overheard my conversation with the lady I work with about how I am LDS (aka Mormon). For some reason he felt the need to tell me his opinion on my belief.
Z was raised LDS. He related an experience to me about when he was in his history class and how embarrassed he was when they started talking about Brigham Young and the trek out west. He didn't want anyone to know he was Mormon. In my mind that didn't make sense to me. For me, when we got to that part in history, I was anxious because I didn't want it to be portrayed incorrectly, but if it had been I would have stood up, and have stood up, to defend my belief and give my class and teacher the correct information. Never in my life have I been afraid to admit that I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. 

Z continued to tell me about how when he was older he decided he needed to decide whether or not this church was something he wanted to be apart of. He rattled off a lists of books that he read during his research; biographies about Joseph Smith, books that supposedly told details of what goes on inside LDS temples, etc. He named author after author, which I googled and they all wrote anti-mormon literature. I noticed in this rant of his that he didn't mention reading the Book of Mormon. I asked, "Well, Z, did you read the Book of Mormon?" His reply, "I didn't need to, I have been hearing that garbage every Sunday since I was an infant." He then proceeded to tell me what I didn't know about my religion, what it really was about. 

I had to tune him out. I just wanted to cry the entire time he was talking to me. I couldn't get a word in edgewise and I didn't want to fight. So I just shut my mouth and tried not to listen until he was all out of breath.
I kept praying for a phone call or something to happen so that I didn't have to listen to him anymore. How could someone know whether or not my church is true if they haven't read the book that we learn and teach from? You can say what you want about Joseph Smith and Brigham Young, but they are men, human men, they may be prophets but that does not make them perfect. Do you think that the Pope is perfect? I don't. And I don't expect him to be, he is human.
The church is perfect, but it is made up of imperfect human beings. That's why we go to church. I know without a doubt that my church is the one true church on this Earth. That may offend some, but I know it without a doubt. I know that Joseph Smith talked to God, that he restored the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that Thomas S. Monson is a prophet today. I know that I am a daughter of God. I know that He loves me. I know that the Book of Mormon is true, I know because I read it and prayed to know if this was true. I know that my family is sealed for time and all eternity, that even after we die we will still be together. I will be married in the temple and sealed to my husband and children. I will live worthy to enter temple doors. I will teach my children to the best of my ability and let God take over in places where I might falter.
I don't care what anyone tries to tell me. Let them believe what they want. But no one will ever be able to convince me that my church isn't true. I know it is. Nothing will ever change that, no matter how hard they try. 

Bitterness is Essential

In my scripture study tonight I read Doctrine and Covenants 29:39. (For those not of my faith, Doctrine and Covenants is a book of revelation given to Joseph Smith, the first prophet of our church). The scripture says; "...for if they never should have bitter the could not know the sweet."
This got me thinking about my life, especially my current situation. Moving sucks, if you've ever moved before you know that. With moving comes no friends, no social life and no fun. But looking back at all the places I have lived I don't know which place I would have wanted to miss out on. Granted, there are some places I didn't like, Georgia in particular, but I would have missed becoming friends with Olivia and Brittnee. You just have to make the best of moving.
The bitter: leaving great friends.
The sweet: making new friends.
Not only did this scripture have me thinking about moving, but also about dating.
My little brother likes to kindly remind me that every time he talked to me while I was at school I was with some new guy. Although that is not entirely true...there is some truth to it. Looking back at the guys I liked these past 7 months and the way things ended with each, most of the time they ended because they wanted things to end, not me. Yeah, it hurt, and yeah, it sucks, but with bitter comes the sweet.
All relationships must come to an end, except one. That one relationship is the reason we keep dating, the reason we keep putting out heart out there and getting it smashed, because in the end, we all just want our Happily Ever After.
Yes, I went through my share of boys this year, but you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.  Not that I was actually kissing all these boys! Maybe I have already met my Prince Charming and the reason it isn't working is because I'm not  ready to know, or he's not. Or maybe I haven't met him, and Heavenly Father isn't letting these other relationships work because He knows that something better is just around the corner.
Either way, I'm gonna let Him guide me on the path that I must take and trust in Him the whole way. I'll have the faith of a little child, and remember that to know the sweet, I must taste the bitter first.

Tell Me About You...

I cannot be described by words

But by my actions

There is not one thing that has made me

But every one thing became me

I am not a proper noun,

Adjective

Or verb.

I am who I want to be

Perfectly Me. 

One Door Closes...

I'm not sure why I was so ready to be done with my freshman year. Why did I want to go "home"? I'm sitting here in my "room" in St. George, UT and it's finally hit me that my family moved. We live in Utah and I have no friends. When I woke up this morning I debated on whether or not I should get dressed and put makeup on. But I figured what's the point? I don't know anyone out here, and don't really want to get to know anyone out here. I know that's a horrible attitude, but I'm not living here after this. I'll be here for five months and then I am moving back to Rexburg for good, well at least until I finish school.
I need to start unpacking, but that seems like such a waste and I don't know where to start. I still have to unpack my boxes from the move and my college stuff. But I don't have a bed, a dresser, or a closet. Scratch that, I have a dresser, but it's broke. I have a blow up mattress, with a hole.
I just need a friend. And a purpose.
Five months isn't that long...right?

The Last Time

Well, it's official. I will never be a Freshman again. How great is that? My Freshman year of college was such an amazing experience, it definitely helped me figure out who I am. I started out the year with a lot of difficulties set in front of me. Jeff and I had broken up, my family moved to Utah, I was in a new place with no friends and completely and utterly homesick. But there were so many people who helped me to become a better person and figure out who I am and what I want out of life and I want them to know how grateful I am for that.
My roommates have been the greatest example and a constant support system for me. Some of us didn't always get along, but we loved each other and knew that we could always count on each other, even in our darkest moments. We created friendships that I hope/know will last our entire lives. I will always be grateful for the friends they were to me and for the comfort they gave me.

Erika, I specifically want to tell you how grateful I am for you. I know I already told you in my letter, but I just wanted to quickly say how much I love you. You are my best friend and I could not have made it through these past few months without you. Even before you and I became so close, you were always the one to ask if I was okay and you constantly checked on me when I was crying (even when my mom asked you to). You are like my sister and I love you so much. Thank you for everything.




Then there's the girls of 417. I love you! You guys were always there when I needed to rant. It was so nice to have a place I could go to when my apartment became too much. You made me laugh, you let me cry and we could talk about anything. There was so much trust and that was such a great safety net to have. You guys, along with my roommates, were my family. I hope that we continue that bond in the semesters to come. I love you all so much.

How could I forget the boys that also influenced my life? There were a few who really stand out, Andrew, Tommy and Ulises. Andrew has been an amazing friend from the beginning and really helped me feel like I was fitting into this whole college lifestyle. He was my go-to guy, someone I could do the craziest things with but also have the deepest conversations. I am so grateful for him.
Tom really helped me figure out what I wanted out of my future, but he was also an amazing friend. I'm sure our friendship will last for years to come, or at least until one of us gets married ;) . We were open and honest with each other from the moment we met and I knew I could trust him with anything. Being his friend helped me realize that I'm ready for a real relationship and that I want someone who knows what he wants out of life. Tommy, you will always be one of my best friends. Thank you for helping me to become who I am today.

Ulises is one of the most amazing people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. He is kind, generous and sincere. I have never met anyone else like him. I can talk to him about the most serious things, but also goofy things. He knows how to make me laugh when I'm having a hard day. He is that kinda guy who knows how to treat a girl. He's one of my closest friends and I know he will always be one. His mission will be an amazing  experience and he will have so much success. I can't wait for when he gets home and can tell me all his amazing stories.

I can't wait to go back in January and re-unite with my friends, but I also can't wait to make new friends. I'm excited for the relationships I will create next year. I know that it will be better than ever. Thank you guys for everything.