I don't go out with a bang, that's how I'm coming in

The year 2011 is officially over. My Sophomore year of college has begun. Although there's already been some slight drama, I'm determined to not let it dictate the rest of my time here.
I am in the University Choir this year. It's not an audition choir, but I'm just doing it for fun and to learn more techniques. I've never had voice lessons, so I'm excited for this opportunity.
Last year I was so wrapped up in what everyone thought of me and getting  over Jeff, that I couldn't focus on the things that were really important. I will not make the same mistakes.
I am going to find ways to motivate myself into doing homework.
I am going to focus on becoming the person I have always wanted to become.
I am going to continue strengthening my relationships with my dear friends, but also create new and lasting friendships.
I am not going to search for a boy. Although having a boyfriend is always nice, I don't care if I have one. I'm not searching to get married like so many of the girls out here. I am at school for an education, not a husband.
I am going to take everything I can out of the college experience and never take it for granted.
This year will be one to remember. That I'll make sure of.

It's All Just Bullying

My mom and I saw the movie, The Help tonight. You know, we learn about Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr in school, but nothing really hits you. Nothing makes you understand just how awful it was for the African Americans. I've seen the old black and white newsreels of the police beating back protesters, or "washing" them away with the fire hose. To be honest, those didn't make an impact. Yes, it was awful to see people being treated that way, but they were just people without a name.
This was different. This wasn't just a lesson, it was a story with a face and a name. Their stories hit home.
I cannot adequately explain how I felt. I just sat there, holding back tears, thinking. I asked myself so many questions.
"If I had been raised back then, would I have treated African Americans like this?"
"How can people, made by the same Creator, treat each other this way?"
"Why did we, God fearing people, allow this to happen?"
But mostly I just repeated this next question over and over, "What would I have done?"
What would I have done?
These tears that I'm feeling now, would I still be sympathetic if I had lived then? Would I have been like Skeeter...or Ms. Hilly?
I want to believe I would be like Skeeter, sympathetic and yearning to help. There's no way to really know...
I wish that I could go back in time, tried to help out in someway. I...am speechless. Honestly, I have no words to describe how this makes me feel.
But it does make me think.
 Today I read an article about a boy who killed his gay classmate in 2008. He was just sentenced to 21 years in prison.
Today I heard on the radio about a man on death sentence for shooting and killing multiple Muslims after 9/11.
Today I realized that hatred of blacks was just like these two events, only much larger and they lasted much longer.
All of these events in history were all caused by bullying. That's all they are. Each is on a different part of the same spectrum.
I may not be able to go back in time and fix the mistakes of our ancestors, but I can be apart of the change now. I will not stand for bullying or ignorance. I can teach my children to be accepting of everyone, color, sexual orientation, religion, etc. I can stand up for those I see or hear being treated unkindly.
I don't want my children and grandchildren to look back on my time here on earth and wonder if I ever did anything to try and stop the violence.
I want them to know.

This Place I Once Called...Home?

I'm feeling a little like a nomad lately. I don't live in Idaho, I don't live in Zion and I don't really live with my family...so where do I live? Honestly, doesn't matter much as long as I have a roof over my head! The question that really gets me is, "So, where are you from?" Ha! Like I know! My best answer, "America." What else would I say? However, I have just moved from Zion National Park back in with my parents, for now. So, here are some pictures of the place I called home for a couple months.

Wild turkey that live in the mountains.

My favorite road sign. I always thought it was so clever. 

Take A Moment

I just wanted to take a moment to be grateful.
I feel like lately all I do is focus on the negative things in my life. It's a taxing job! So here's to the little things I'm grateful for.
Food.
Shelter.
A Job.
Showers.
Clean Water.
Family.
Friends.
Scriptures.
Prayer.
Coloring Books.
Faith.
Being away from things really makes you grateful for them. Being away from friends who have the same standards as I do makes me realize just how precious those friendships are.
At this moment though, I think the thing I am most grateful for are blankets! If I didn't know better I would think my apartment is in the Arctic Circle!

You Read the Wrong Book

Work was pretty slow this morning, for the front desk and the kitchen. There is a man who works here at the Resort with me whom I will refer to as Z. He overheard my conversation with the lady I work with about how I am LDS (aka Mormon). For some reason he felt the need to tell me his opinion on my belief.
Z was raised LDS. He related an experience to me about when he was in his history class and how embarrassed he was when they started talking about Brigham Young and the trek out west. He didn't want anyone to know he was Mormon. In my mind that didn't make sense to me. For me, when we got to that part in history, I was anxious because I didn't want it to be portrayed incorrectly, but if it had been I would have stood up, and have stood up, to defend my belief and give my class and teacher the correct information. Never in my life have I been afraid to admit that I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. 

Z continued to tell me about how when he was older he decided he needed to decide whether or not this church was something he wanted to be apart of. He rattled off a lists of books that he read during his research; biographies about Joseph Smith, books that supposedly told details of what goes on inside LDS temples, etc. He named author after author, which I googled and they all wrote anti-mormon literature. I noticed in this rant of his that he didn't mention reading the Book of Mormon. I asked, "Well, Z, did you read the Book of Mormon?" His reply, "I didn't need to, I have been hearing that garbage every Sunday since I was an infant." He then proceeded to tell me what I didn't know about my religion, what it really was about. 

I had to tune him out. I just wanted to cry the entire time he was talking to me. I couldn't get a word in edgewise and I didn't want to fight. So I just shut my mouth and tried not to listen until he was all out of breath.
I kept praying for a phone call or something to happen so that I didn't have to listen to him anymore. How could someone know whether or not my church is true if they haven't read the book that we learn and teach from? You can say what you want about Joseph Smith and Brigham Young, but they are men, human men, they may be prophets but that does not make them perfect. Do you think that the Pope is perfect? I don't. And I don't expect him to be, he is human.
The church is perfect, but it is made up of imperfect human beings. That's why we go to church. I know without a doubt that my church is the one true church on this Earth. That may offend some, but I know it without a doubt. I know that Joseph Smith talked to God, that he restored the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that Thomas S. Monson is a prophet today. I know that I am a daughter of God. I know that He loves me. I know that the Book of Mormon is true, I know because I read it and prayed to know if this was true. I know that my family is sealed for time and all eternity, that even after we die we will still be together. I will be married in the temple and sealed to my husband and children. I will live worthy to enter temple doors. I will teach my children to the best of my ability and let God take over in places where I might falter.
I don't care what anyone tries to tell me. Let them believe what they want. But no one will ever be able to convince me that my church isn't true. I know it is. Nothing will ever change that, no matter how hard they try. 

Bitterness is Essential

In my scripture study tonight I read Doctrine and Covenants 29:39. (For those not of my faith, Doctrine and Covenants is a book of revelation given to Joseph Smith, the first prophet of our church). The scripture says; "...for if they never should have bitter the could not know the sweet."
This got me thinking about my life, especially my current situation. Moving sucks, if you've ever moved before you know that. With moving comes no friends, no social life and no fun. But looking back at all the places I have lived I don't know which place I would have wanted to miss out on. Granted, there are some places I didn't like, Georgia in particular, but I would have missed becoming friends with Olivia and Brittnee. You just have to make the best of moving.
The bitter: leaving great friends.
The sweet: making new friends.
Not only did this scripture have me thinking about moving, but also about dating.
My little brother likes to kindly remind me that every time he talked to me while I was at school I was with some new guy. Although that is not entirely true...there is some truth to it. Looking back at the guys I liked these past 7 months and the way things ended with each, most of the time they ended because they wanted things to end, not me. Yeah, it hurt, and yeah, it sucks, but with bitter comes the sweet.
All relationships must come to an end, except one. That one relationship is the reason we keep dating, the reason we keep putting out heart out there and getting it smashed, because in the end, we all just want our Happily Ever After.
Yes, I went through my share of boys this year, but you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.  Not that I was actually kissing all these boys! Maybe I have already met my Prince Charming and the reason it isn't working is because I'm not  ready to know, or he's not. Or maybe I haven't met him, and Heavenly Father isn't letting these other relationships work because He knows that something better is just around the corner.
Either way, I'm gonna let Him guide me on the path that I must take and trust in Him the whole way. I'll have the faith of a little child, and remember that to know the sweet, I must taste the bitter first.

Tell Me About You...

I cannot be described by words

But by my actions

There is not one thing that has made me

But every one thing became me

I am not a proper noun,

Adjective

Or verb.

I am who I want to be

Perfectly Me.