So, it's been a while since my last blog and okay the title is cheesy and from a song in Wicked, you'll deal. Being at college is such a weird experience. I think that being at BYU-Idaho (affectionately called BYU-I Do) has really changed my perspective on relationships. Before I came out here I was dead set on not getting married until I was a Junior in college. I was going to play the field and just see what Mormon guys are really like. My dating experience with guys from my own religion has been very scarce and not too pleasant. However, being out here makes you realize a few things.
1: You don't want to play the field
2: Not getting married until you are a Junior in college (as a girl) is not normal and it makes you seem kind of weird
3: If you do wait longer than most LDS girls to get married you feel kind of out of the loop
4: When you find that someone why would you want to wait that long?
5: There are couples everywhere and if you aren't one of them you hate seeing them
6: Now this is the most important one, Single Awareness Day is real. Couples call it Valentines Day, but that's not really what the holiday is called...it shouldn't really be a holiday.
There are guys out here who are a ton of fun and cool to be around. But there's always S.O.S. Girls, do you ever wish that guys were as open and honest about their feelings as we are? Talking to a friend of mine a few weeks back we were discussing how girls claim to love "mysterious men" but we don't. Why do we even pretend to like that? We hate being in the dark! When I like a guy I want to know if he likes me and what he's thinking. I don't want to be played or for him to send mixed signals. I hate being played and confused and I'm finding more and more that when it comes to guys, you are going to be confused and there's nothing you can do about it except wait and let them, in their own time, make their intentions known. Sometimes people are afraid to open up, I know I am. I use to be an open book, but recently I have found myself closing off and becoming afraid to open up to others, mostly guys. Why trust someone I hardly know with any type of secret when I couldn't trust the one person who had my heart for three years? But I know I'm not the only one with that problem. That's been proven to me already. The difference between us though, is that I'm trying to trust again and I'm not letting my fears get in the way of how I feel about people. I might be afraid, but I can't stand here and be afraid for the rest of my life. I have to take a leap of faith and let God do the rest. Not everything is going to work out the way I want it to, and sure I may be heart broken in the process, but for now I am going to trust the Lord and hope and pray that others who have the same fear as me trust Him too. Otherwise nothing will work out for either of us.
