Where I Am Now

2008

I recently had an unexpected conversation with someone from my past. We hadn't talked in almost a year. We discussed our lives and what we are up to. He is getting ready to leave for his mission to Thailand in a few weeks. I am so excited for him and this opportunity he is taking.
It's funny thinking about the 15 year old me and where I thought I would be at this point in my life. He was supposed to have been gone for a year by now, with me faithfully waiting to one day become his wife. Weird.
That was five years ago though. I've changed a lot since then.
I'm not the same bright eyed girl I was with an innocent outlook on life. I realize now that life usually doesn't work out the way we want it to. During our conversation he said that I sounded much more grown up. Although I did hit the big 2-0 I don't think he meant my voice sounded older. He's right, I have grown up, mostly because of him. Losing him forced me to grow up, to become closer to my Lord and to figure out what it is that I want to do with my life. I couldn't use the plan I had as a little girl anymore, that plan included him.

2012

In the course of our conversation we discovered that I am now working where he worked last semester. I was supposed to start this job last semester but my heart was in turmoil when I thought of starting then. I did not understand why I felt such grief when I thought of taking the job back then, but now I understand. The Lord was protecting me as He has done so many times before. As much as I have grown and matured I couldn't see him everyday for four hours, it would kill me.  The Lord knew and He saved me from that pain. Oh, the tender mercies.

That time in my life is over. I'm glad it happened, even the terrible heartbreak. I learned a lot about myself and about my Savior. I wouldn't go back and change it because that would change who I am right now and I like the person that I have become. I like the girl I am right now much more than I like the girl I was 5, even 2 years ago. Those experiences, dating him and then our break up, taught me more than any other experience in my long twenty years. I'm different. I'm happy.