Flying Free

Many of you have followed along through my heartbreak this past year and I am here to tell you that it's officially over. On Sunday he came and picked up his stuff (which I moved from the box to a trash bag). Then on Tuesday we met to talk. He arrived 10 minutes early and was waiting for me. We sat down to talk and at first it was really awkward. He explained to me about his current girlfriend, and how he didn't actually cheat on me. I know that it doesn't seem like he was telling the truth, but I still know him so well and I know when he's lying and when he's telling the truth. He apologized up and down, I could tell how much this hurt him. Jeff is not the kind of guy who hurts people and seeing him today showed me that he really had been hurting. Not as much as me, and he realizes that, but he has been hurting.
There was one question on my mind the entire time that I was afraid to ask, why wasn't I enough. He knew there was something I was thinking that I wasn't asking, and he kept asking me what it was. Eventually I asked. He gave me a look that I know well, it blatantly says, "you're stupid." He told me that I am amazing, that he's sees that now more than he did when we were dating. He told me how he realizes how much he took me for granted then.
We actually had a very pleasant conversation and ended up talking for two hours! We just caught each other up with our lives and our family lives. It was weird how I still felt so comfortable around him. I will always care about him, but I know that I'm over him. It's taken long enough, right?
I'm glad that this chapter is over. It's time to start a new chapter in my life. Jeffrey free.

I'm Over Being Lied To

As most of you know, Jeff and I set up a meeting for Thursday so I could return some of his things to him and he could give me his reasons for cheating on me. I packed up a box of his things and was ready to close that chapter of my life.
I left for the MC, our designated meeting spot, with my friend, Jallyn. She sat a few feet behind for moral support. I texted him at 3 and told him where in the building I was at. By 3:30 I still hadn't heard from him. I decided to call him. It went straight to voice mail. I was livid. Completely and utterly livid.
I left him a voice mail. I told him that I had been waiting for him for 30 minutes and I was getting ready to leave. I said if he didn't want to see me then he shouldn't have set up this meeting, that if he wanted his things he could come to me and get them. Needless to say he didn't reply. I still haven't heard from him.
I'm gonna go ahead and rant for a little bit, so bear with me. How dare he set this meeting up and then bail! Honestly, how childish can one person be? Was he like this for the 3 and a half years we were together? How did I miss this? The man I knew would have never done something like this, ever.
Let me make this clear, I am not upset that he stood me up, I'm angry that he thinks he can treat me this way. Cheating on me wasn't enough. It's a good thing I'm over this boy or yesterday would have torn me apart. I may still have his stuff, but he means nothing to me. Absolutely nothing. On Tuesday a friend of mine asked if I still had romantic feelings for Jeff. I immediately answered no. I was however, afraid that talking to Jeff would stir up feelings of not being good enough. This friend told me to repeat after him the following phrase, "It doesn't matter, I'm over it." He had me yell it and say it with dignity. I am so grateful for his friendship.
Jeff is a child. I'm glad I am seeing this now rather than marrying him and finding out later. Oh the simple blessings of the Lord.
I am keeping his things in a box by my door for another week. If he doesn't get it by then, well, as all of my friends and family have said, burn baby, burn! Thanks for the memories Bud, I hope your current girlfriend doesn't have to spend as much wasted time on you to figure out what kind of person you are. Poor girl, she's probably totally blind sighted.

This is a song by Lenka called Bring Me Down. It fits perfectly into words what I am feeling towards Jeff at this moment.