Doomsday Resolutions

I have decided to jump aboard this whole doomsday thing, but I'm putting a spin on it. As I sit anxiously awaiting the end of the world I reflect upon what it has become. In the past six months alone we have had two terrible shootings. There are many wars being fought, some of which we aren't even aware of. There are wars between countries, religions, families and even ourselves. Everywhere you look there is poverty and destruction. If this is what our world has become then let it end tomorrow!
December 21, 2012 is the end and I'm going to create my own new world. Instead of New Years Resolutions I am making New World Resolutions. I hope that you will make these resolutions with me.
1). Serve often.
2). Love more.
3). Be positive.
4). Smile.
These are the four big changes I'm making in my life to create a new world, a better world. We shouldn't let our lives be lived in fear of what could happen next, we should be full of joy and love. Help me create that type of world. Help me make a world that is safe. Help me create a place where people are loved and given service. A world where children are safe and where families can live in peace. Help me create a world that we can trust.

Thoughts On Lincoln

I saw the movie Lincoln last night and I will admit I was not the biggest fan of the movie. I would have enjoyed it more watching it in a classroom setting where my professor could pause the movie and we could discuss the events portrayed in the film. That being said, I did learn three things from the movie. 

1). Insults are much more insulting when you aren't using swear words but words that are actual intelligible. 

My favorite part of the entire movie were the insults they tossed back and forth while debating the Amendment. Thaddeus Stevens is the funniest part of the movie. I wish I could remember the insults word for word, but I can't. I would see the movie again just for the insults. It makes you realize how silly people sound when their insults consist of the F bomb, the B word, etc. You really sound so much smarter when you use words with real meanings. It was like Shakespearean insults. Loved it. 

2). Abraham Lincoln is long winded and tells strange stories. 

President Lincoln would randomly start telling stories that were supposed to mean something to the people he was talking to. The first story he told was about a parrot who's owner killed him. That one wasn't very funny. However, there were other stories that were pretty funny. You should see it for the stories. After one of the stories Lincoln said, "I could write shorter sermons but once I get going I'm to lazy to stop." 

3). Our country has come so far. 

While watching Lincoln and witnessing how difficult it was for the 13th Amendment to be passed I realized that our country has really come so very far. In just 147 years we have changed so much that we now have a black president starting his second term! Do you think that the brave men who passed this amendment knew how far we would come in such a short amount of time? I may not have wanted Obama to win his second election but I do appreciate the steps it has taken for our nation to proudly have a black man as our president. Abraham Lincoln would be elated to see that what he worked so hard for has made a huge difference. We are an example to many other nations. We should be delighted to be citizens of this great nation.

Grateful for Friends

I have so many things going through my mind right now, but I can't post many of those thoughts because they would seem offensive. In my head they are not meant that way, but if you aren't me you don't know that.

It's funny how when you are surrounded by friends you take that friendship for granted. You don't realize how big a part they play in your day to day life.
When I lived in Ohio and needed my best friend she was only a five minute drive away. I never realized how incredibly blessed I was to have her so close. In college my best friend was a shout away...if she wasn't right next to me.
Now I am in St. George, Utah where I know...my family. Only my family. There are many things that I dislike about St. George, not even counting the fact that it's in Utah (yuck!). The thing that I have the hardest time with though is that I am alone.
Family is a blessing, but sometimes they aren't always enough. You need friends....I need friends.
So go to the Single's Ward! I know...you're all saying that. I can't. I went before and...it was dreadful. I sat there for three hours and not one person said a word to me. (That's the thing with the church out in Utah...they aren't as welcoming as out in "the mission field".) So go talk to them! Yeah, that was your next thought right? But let me ask you something...DO YOU KNOW ME? I am painfully shy around people I don't know...especially a large group of people my age. I don't do well with putting myself out there. I never have. When people find out that I have moved a lot they assume that I am naturally outgoing because I had to make friends somehow...you know what assuming does, right?
With all of my best friends I have never made the move to be friends, it has always been them. I don't know how to make friends. It sounds so silly, but it's true.
Luckily for me two of my very best friends are coming to visit next weekend and we are gonna go to the Single's Ward together. Maybe with those two hotties by my side someone will talk to me...or I'll feel comfortable enough to talk to them.


I'm sorry to anyone who read this. I'm not trying to sound like a whiny brat, I needed to vent and am clueless as to where my journal is. If you know anyone in St. George that is in need of another friend send them my way! If you don't, prayers of strength are just as good. Thanks :)

Heavenly Father Gained A Friend

     On Tuesday I called my Dad to ask him a simple question. To be honest I can't even remember what I wanted to talk to him about. He told me he wanted to talk to me about two things. The first thing he told me was a silly story about my little sister's dog and how he ran away. Then he got really serious and told me we needed to talk to about my dog, Nome. I tried to shut him down, which is my usual response when my parents bring him up because they are always just telling me how old he is. My dad wouldn't let it go like normal though. He told me that Nomie had not eaten or drank in two days. He said that his end is near. I started crying and didn't really stop the rest of the day. My dad asked me if I wanted them to wait until I got home, in three days, before they put him down, but they weren't really even sure he would make it that long. I asked them to try.
     Wednesday I woke up and tried to not think. It didn't work. I started crying again so I called my best friend Abby. I told her about how I felt like I was being so selfish trying to keep my dog alive for me, but at the same time I wasn't sure I could even handle being there. She gave me the idea to skype with him and say my goodbyes so that he could go and not be in anymore pain. I called my Dad and told him that I needed to skype with Nome and after I did that he could help Nome pass away. I then skyped with Nomie Boy for almost 2 hours. I told him how much I love him and that if he was ready then I wanted him to go. I told him lots of funny stories from our 19 years together. I asked him to find my future children and keep them company and to find Grandma McKean and play tug of war with her again. At one point in my one-sided conversation, Nome looked right at me through the camera and wagged his tail. That doesn't seem like a huge thing, but to me it was so much comfort. Nomie hasn't wagged his tail for a really long time. I knew that this was his way of telling me that he loves me and not to be sad anymore.
     The rest of the day I didn't want to answer my phone every time I saw my parents name come up on my caller i.d.
     Today, Thursday, I woke up to a post on my FB wall from my little sister. She told me that she saw Nome outside and he had the goofiest smile on his face. He smiles just like the dog Rigby from the book. I went about my day cleaning for about 7 hours (we had to white glove our apartment for checkout). I went out for cupcakes with one of my best friends for her birthday. When I got home my friend Julia came over and we chatted for a little bit because I'm headed home tomorrow and won't see her for a really long time. When she left I was getting ready to go to another friends apartment when my mom called. She told me that while she was at play practice Nomie went to sleep and didn't wake up. He went so peacefully. Tomorrow he will be cremated.
     Nome has been my best friend since I was one year old. He has been a huge part of my life for 19 years. I have known and loved him longer than any of my siblings. He helped me through huge changes in my life. He was afraid of fireworks. When I was little and would cry he would sit with me and howl. He hates broccoli. He once risked his life to protect us from two rottweilers. He would sit under, beside or in the car while we were packing it for a trip, terrified that we were going to leave him. He loves tug of war. He would bark and run all over the house when someone came to visit.
It's hard to believe that after so many years my puppy has gone to live with Heavenly Father. I'm not sure that a day will go by when I don't think of him. I love him so much. If you don't mind, and you're the praying sort, I could really use some prayers of comfort and strength.

Still Not Married!!! :)

      I did it! I got to the end of my Sophomore year at BYU-Ido and am still a happily single college student! Ha! I have officially lasted longer than half the campus I swear. lol Well, I guess there are five days left of the semester, but I'm gonna go ahead and say it's a safe bet that I won't be engaged in the next five days. 

     This semester has been weird. It started out exactly like I wanted it to and ended in a way I didn't see coming. I don't want to put specifics on here just in case certain people read, but just know that I didn't expect the semester to be ending the way it has. Here's the thing about the way it's ending, I am so glad that it has gone the way it has and not the way I wanted it to. 

     This semester I only had one roommate, which was super strange. We knew each other from last semester, her name is Jallyn. I guess the management called her on the last day of Winter Semester and told her they opened up a two-person apartment and asked her if we wanted it. She said yes and then came to the apartment I had been living in and told me. So it's just been the two of us all semester. That definitely has it's ups and downs and I don't think I'd do it again. I miss having lots of roommates. 

     About a month into the semester I went on two dates with a guy from church and after the second date he thought we were boyfriend/girlfriend and came over everyday, see how fast things move here? Obviously I had to break that one off. He was really nice about it though and we are friendly when we see each other around. 

     My best friend in the whole wide world and her mom came to visit me! Eryn drove out here from WA to spend a few days with me and that was fabulous to see her. It's crazy how we are still so close after 12 years of friendship, more than half of which we have been states away from each other. 

The week after she came my Mom and Dad came to visit me for the weekend. I took them around campus and to the Cocoa Bean and they took my roommate and I out for Big Jud's and to the movies to see Hunger Games. 

     Now it's the last week of the semester and I am so ready to get out of here. I've been trying to make myself sad about leaving, but it's not working. I keep telling myself to remember that this is the last time I will see almost everyone I've met up here because I'm not coming back for 2 years, but that just makes me excited. I am ready to leave and happy that when I come back I will be able to start over.

     This has been a really long post, sorry! I'll add some pictures at the bottom for comic relief! My semester in photographs! 

Top Left: Me and Eryn at the Cocoa Bean. 

Top Right: My Mom and Dad after walking around campus

Middle: Bill Cosby! I saw him perform!

Bottom Left: I attempted to work out everyday...that didn't last long. 

Bottom Right: My birthday! It was the first day of the semester. 

Big News!

Well, I have some news to share. I have decided to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I will leave soon after my 21st birthday, in April.
Most of you probably know that boys in our church go on their missions at 19 and serve for two years. We women have to wait until we are 21 and we only go for 18 months, which is fine by me! I know I will really miss my family during this time. So, how did I come to this decision?
Since I was 17 I have struggled with the question of serving a mission. I have never had a desire to do so, nor did I feel like I was going to. In my church we receive these things called a patriarchal blessing. (To learn what that is click here.) In my blessing it says that I will serve a mission for the church "in some fashion." I never thought that that fashion was an actual mission. This past month I have thought more and more about a mission and if I should go. Then, on Wednesday night I really started to ponder it. In fact, I was thinking about it so much that I didn't sleep that night. I was really struggling with what to do. I finally came up with a plan and it felt good. On Thursday after class, I went to the temple with my roommate Jallyn. While we were in the temple I prayed some more about a mission and if the plan I had come up with is the right now for me. I felt peaceful. When I decided that I was going to serve a mission I finally felt relieved from this burden that had been holding me down for so long. I felt joy because I knew that I had a small piece of my life's plan figured out. So, this is the plan. I'm going to finish out this semester with work and school, then I'm going to go live with my parents and work my behind off. I will defer school for the Winter Semester and then, in April, I will leave for 18 months to serve wherever the Lord sends me, even if it is Temple Square. :)

Where I Am Now

2008

I recently had an unexpected conversation with someone from my past. We hadn't talked in almost a year. We discussed our lives and what we are up to. He is getting ready to leave for his mission to Thailand in a few weeks. I am so excited for him and this opportunity he is taking.
It's funny thinking about the 15 year old me and where I thought I would be at this point in my life. He was supposed to have been gone for a year by now, with me faithfully waiting to one day become his wife. Weird.
That was five years ago though. I've changed a lot since then.
I'm not the same bright eyed girl I was with an innocent outlook on life. I realize now that life usually doesn't work out the way we want it to. During our conversation he said that I sounded much more grown up. Although I did hit the big 2-0 I don't think he meant my voice sounded older. He's right, I have grown up, mostly because of him. Losing him forced me to grow up, to become closer to my Lord and to figure out what it is that I want to do with my life. I couldn't use the plan I had as a little girl anymore, that plan included him.

2012

In the course of our conversation we discovered that I am now working where he worked last semester. I was supposed to start this job last semester but my heart was in turmoil when I thought of starting then. I did not understand why I felt such grief when I thought of taking the job back then, but now I understand. The Lord was protecting me as He has done so many times before. As much as I have grown and matured I couldn't see him everyday for four hours, it would kill me.  The Lord knew and He saved me from that pain. Oh, the tender mercies.

That time in my life is over. I'm glad it happened, even the terrible heartbreak. I learned a lot about myself and about my Savior. I wouldn't go back and change it because that would change who I am right now and I like the person that I have become. I like the girl I am right now much more than I like the girl I was 5, even 2 years ago. Those experiences, dating him and then our break up, taught me more than any other experience in my long twenty years. I'm different. I'm happy. 

Woah! Did You See That? It Just Flew By!

Hard to believe that in one week I will officially be halfway through my Sophomore year of college! The past few days I have been thinking about how different this semester has been compared to my first semester of college last year. The biggest difference is that this year I haven't been homesick. Remember how last year I cried and cried, begging my parents to let me go home? Yeah...that didn't happen this time. That's not the only difference though.  

I have truly changed as a daughter of God. It sounds cheesy, I know, but it's true. I have taken steps in my life this year to help me be happier. One of the best things I've done this year is to eliminate people in my life who bring my heartache and disappointment. That was a hard decision to let some of these people go, but in the end it has really helped me to be happier. I don't dwell on the hurt they cause, but instead focus on the good times we had and thank Heavenly Father for placing them in my life when I most needed them.

This semester has also taught me a lot about how strong I am. Definitely not physically, I'll probably always be a weakling, but spiritually. I firmly believe that how you face your trials shows what type of person you are. In the trials I have faced this semester I have turned to God for help. He has calmed my troubled heart. During my times of turmoil and unrest, He has helped me to see the light at the end.

Left to Right: Rebekah, Jallyn, Kyla, Julia

Heavenly Father has sent me the most help through my best friend Jallyn and my kind roommates, Julia and Kyla. These three girls have brought me more comfort and love then they are aware of. The Lord must have given them an ocean full of patience because they have been so kind and willing to help me to grow. For that I am forever grateful. I have never lived with such amazing women as Kyla and Julia. I love them so much and hope that I have had an ounce of effect on their life because they have truly impacted mine.




Jallyn on the other hand is a league all her own. Heavenly Father sure knew what he was doing when He placed her in my life!

I'm not sure how I would have gotten through this semester without her! She has been such a rock in my life! Whenever I feel like I can't do something, she is right there pulling and pushing, reminding me that with God, all things are possible. I am forever indebted to her.

Heavenly Father has truly blessed me this semester. I have made some amazing friends and am looking forward to all the adventures next semester will bring! Well...excited and nervous at the same time. But I know that the Lord will be watching over me and will help me to make the best decisions.

And to all you nay sayers out there! I would just like to point out that I am proving you all wrong! Halfway done with my Sophomore year and still not married! That's right! I'm a rebellious little Mormon Child :)

All Politics Aside.

Today I had the amazing experience of attending a political rally for Mitt Romney. There was so much excitement in the crowd. People were chanting, some were singing, and there were countless acts of strangers becoming friends. There was a spirit of gratitude and cheerfulness within the crowd.
Romney talked about some great things. He mentioned the economy and employment. Of course everyone went wild.
All politics aside.
After the rally I was talking with the people I rode with and they brought up an interesting point. This election is probably the most important one of my life. I will be (hopefully) graduating college under this next president. I will be relying on him to open the job market back up. This next president is going to make or break my future.
Then, on the way home we saw a man on the side of the road with a sign that read,
"Embarrassed= Yes! Single father. Trying to save home. Anything will help. Looking for work. Thx."
Our next president, whomever that may be, has a big job in front of them. It doesn't matter what you believe, Liberal, Conservative, Left-Wing, or Right, the economy must be fixed. Not only for our future, but for those who are working right now.
I know how scary it is for the provider of my family to be out of a job. I could imagine the anguish that man with the sign must be feeling.
Our next president needs to be a man full of integrity. One that is going to work for me and for the man loosing his home. There's more than one future riding on this next election.

I don't go out with a bang, that's how I'm coming in

The year 2011 is officially over. My Sophomore year of college has begun. Although there's already been some slight drama, I'm determined to not let it dictate the rest of my time here.
I am in the University Choir this year. It's not an audition choir, but I'm just doing it for fun and to learn more techniques. I've never had voice lessons, so I'm excited for this opportunity.
Last year I was so wrapped up in what everyone thought of me and getting  over Jeff, that I couldn't focus on the things that were really important. I will not make the same mistakes.
I am going to find ways to motivate myself into doing homework.
I am going to focus on becoming the person I have always wanted to become.
I am going to continue strengthening my relationships with my dear friends, but also create new and lasting friendships.
I am not going to search for a boy. Although having a boyfriend is always nice, I don't care if I have one. I'm not searching to get married like so many of the girls out here. I am at school for an education, not a husband.
I am going to take everything I can out of the college experience and never take it for granted.
This year will be one to remember. That I'll make sure of.