A Friendly Encounter

I had another encounter with Jeff yesterday. This time he didn't run away. He turned and talked to me. It was just a simple conversation filled with pleasantries; "Hi, how are you? Where do you live? Where are you headed?" Nothing to exciting. I introduced him as my friend. What an understatement, but at the same time, an overstatement. We aren't friends anymore, we are hardly even acquaintances. He was my best friend, the person I ran too, now he's someone I knew a long time ago. Next month would have been our four year anniversary. How crazy weird is that? I don't miss him, but I do miss having that best friend.
We texted today. We've set up a meeting for Tuesday at 3. I'm going to give him some of his things that I have here at school and he's going to tell me his story on why he cheated on me. I'm not so sure how I feel about that. Seeing him and having a two minute conversation about nothing is one thing...hearing the reason I wasn't enough for him, that's another. I know I'm over him, the past three days have proven that, but am I ready to hear about his new girlfriend? To hear the guy I thought I would spend the rest of my life with tell me why he cheated. I don't think I'm strong enough to hear that. Strong enough to talk to him, but not about that. That's painful.
Luckily I have some amazing friends and they will be here for me when I need them. So expect a new blog on Tuesday!

Perfectly Chaotic

Have you ever had one of those weekends where everything seemed to happen at once? That was the story of my life. My crazy weekend started on Thursday and ended yesterday. Without going in to too much detail I will try to explain to you the self-realization I had.
To start off this crazy weekend one of my friends got in a fight and ended up getting 18 stitches near his eye. He's fine now, we were just all a little shook up watching the fight. He's a great guy though and I feel so blessed to be able to consider him a friend.
Friday-Saturday was a ton of drama. More than I even care to think about. It was one thing after another. At one point I thought I'd lost my roommate! She was attempting to be a good wing-woman but when she didn't show up at home I thought she'd been kidnapped! I'm so glad we found her and she was safe and sound next door the whole time. Life would not be the same without her!

Then on Sunday the weekend started coming to a nice clean close. A guy that had been a little rude to me, and I returned the favor, apologized and explained why he had been acting the way he was. We spent hours talking Sunday night instead of watching a movie with friends, which we had originally planned on. It was so great to be able to talk to him openly, and have him be so open and honest with me. He is a great friend and will continue to be for the rest of my life. In all honesty he has been an answer to my prayers and it took me a while to figure that out.
Sunday was a very tough day for me, but when it ended I was in a great place. I had the opportunity to go to the temple here on campus and just pray. I realized, from talking to this friend of mine, that my priorities were not in the right place. I was so worried about my social/dating life and school that I wasn't giving my Heavenly Father the recognition He deserves. Once I figured that out everything else in my life seemed do-able. This guy has the potential to be something amazing in my life, and for now, and maybe forever, it will be an amazing friend. I trust in the Lord and I know He put him here to show me that I can trust guys again, even if it's just as a friend.
Just as I thought the craziness in my life was coming to a close, Monday happened. Just a little something to jolt me back to reality. So, for those of you who are close to me, or have followed my blog a little, you know that I have been dreading seeing my ex-boyfriend, Jeff, since the beginning of this semester. Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, it happened. Before you start to worry about me, I'm fine, more than fine, I'm still laughing. I was walking to class on Monday, going the exact same way I have every Monday, Wednesday and Friday since April, and there he was, walking towards me. I was on the phone with one of my best friends, Chris Hurt, when out of my peripheral vision I see someone staring at me. I turn my head to see who it was and there he was, Jeff Watts. As soon as he saw me look at him he literally turned and ran. I immediately started laughing. I couldn't believe how immature he had acted. The moment that I had been dreading since April, seeing him, making eye contact, it was over, and all I could do was laugh.
What a sense of relief! It took me almost seven months to be able to laugh at the situation, to realize that I didn't need him and I really  am better than that. But I made it and I'm laughing.
Now it is Tuesday, nothing crazy has happened so far and I'm really hoping it stays that way. For now I'm just counting my blessings. I have amazing friends. I'm on a beautiful campus. My family is astounding and has helped me out with so much. I'm over Jeff. I'm ready to move on. My freshman year of college is coming to an end. The Lord loves me and really is looking out for me in everything I do. I'm so grateful for the friends I have made here in Rexburg and will miss them while I am away, and also those who won't be coming back. I can only sum up how I'm feeling at this moment in three words: Life is good.

Because it's Life...

Talking with a good friend of mine today about the frustrations of life I asked, "Why is life so difficult?" Her simple yet profound response, "Cause it's life."
Life is not suppose to be simple. It didn't come with a personalized book of guidance for each one of us. But wouldn't life have been so much easier if it had? Of course we have the Bible and as a member of the LDS church I have the Book of Mormon, and both of these books of scriptures give me an insight on how to live my life. They give me moral guidelines, but they don't tell me what to major in.
For me, at this moment, life is more confusing than ever. As I told another friend of mine, "College is the most important time in your life, you have to choose a major and a husband." It was meant as a joke, but it's so true. At least for BYU students marriage is a huge choice you make, usually during your college career.
This is not what I'm confused about however. Yes, men are confusing. Aren't they always? I have yet to meet one that hasn't thrown my mind through the wringer. Maybe I over think things...most likely. Maybe I over analyze things...most likely. If I didn't, I wouldn't be me.
As I'm ending my second semester and freshman year at BYU-Idaho I'm starting to worry because I have switched my major three times and I'm still not sure what I want to do. I have been considering Public Administration, but the school I'm at right now doesn't offer that program. Do I really want to not only switch my major and my school? I would most likely transfer to BYU South (More commonly known as BYU Provo). Not only would I be transferring schools and switching majors, I would be living in a whole new environment. Sorry to all those who feel a close connection with Utah, but I don't want to live there, not even for school.
So here I sit with so many dilemmas not knowing which is right. This is why I need a handbook for my life. Something specific that tells me exactly what I need to do...in every aspect of my life.
On a simpler note, today is a gorgeous day in Rexburg, Idaho. Couldn't have asked for a prettier day.

Photography and Editing is accredited to Cassi Dodge.

Water and Vinegar.

Father's Day is coming up! Since I am a poor college kid, and am even more poor now than I was for Mother's Day, I want to dedicate this blog to my daddy. Here's my favorite memory of the two of us.
If I was to pick a favorite memory of my daddy I would have to say it would be the vinegar water. We were living in Perry, Ohio at the time. Dad had been outside working on the garden, mowing the lawn, the typical Saturday activities for him. I'm not sure if I was told to get him a drink or if I just offered but for some reason I was getting him a glass of water. I decided that it would be really funny if I put vinegar in it. So I added some vinegar and took it out to him. As soon as he took the glass I started to get away, because I knew that once that water touched his lips I was dead meat. He ended up chasing me all over the yard. He never caught me, but he got close enough to throw the rest of the vinegar water on me! I reeked! As did my clothes and I had a church dance to go to soon after this event occurred.
I'm not really sure why this is my favorite memory, but it makes me laugh every time I think about it. My dad has taught me the value of hard work, but also how important it is to love your family and make time for them. I love you daddy!
Now I want to hear from you guys! What's your favorite memory of your dad?

Once Upon a Time...

To my dearest parents,
     Today is your anniversary! Twenty-one years!!! You guys have been together longer than you lived with your families. Most people now-a-days don't last this long. marriage isn't always smiles and roses, I know that to have a successful marriage you have to work at it. I have been blessed to live in a home with parents who strive everyday to have this happy marriage and a happy home.
     You two may not have a perfect marriage all the time, but who really does? The difference between your marriage and the marriages of the world is that you have a perfect knowledge of what your marriage can become. You have been my perfect example of what a real marriage should be; two people who love each other, who fight and get mad, and who work out their differences because they understand that it's more important to try and work things out then to not try at all.
     Out here are school I have met so many people who are wary of marriage and parenthood because they saw how unhappy their parents were in marriage. They saw first hand the effects of divorce. They felt the brunt of their parents unhappiness in the way their parents raised them. They are afraid that they will have a marriage like their parents. They are afraid their marriage will end in divorce. They are afraid of becoming the parents they had. I am not afraid of marriage and parenthood because of the examples you set for me.
     I know that the two of you didn't have the best home life growing up. I know that that was something you wanted to change together for your posterity. I am living proof that you did. You have stopped the cycle of abuse, the cycle of divorce, the cycle of unhappiness. You have raised children who love God, who love each other and who love you. We have been raised with moral, academic and personal standards. Together, you set the standard of marriage higher than your parents did and because of that, we will continue to set the standard higher. Your marriage has been the biggest factor in how successful your children are.
     I will never be able to explain to you in words how grateful I am for your example. When I am married I will continue on in the standards you have taught me. I can only hope that my future husband and I will be as successful as you. Thank you for your example. Thank you for doing everything you could do be the parents you are today. Thank you for loving me and helping me to stay on the right path. Thank you for keeping an eternal perspective in your marriage. I love you. I love that you have been married for so long. I hope the next 21 years are even happier than the last ones have been. Congratulations you guys. <3